Monday, March 22, 2010

You're Fucking Kidding Me Here

Those of you who know me in "real life" know that I am not a petite little slip of a chick. I'm a honking, hippy, big chunk of woman.

Which is why I am allowed to make the following statement:

Why the fuck do Big Girl Designers and Stores insist on creating clothing that:

1. Doesn't look good on anyone over a size 2


2. Doesn't look good on ANYONE, much less a big girl.

Let's be honest here, I'm not some cat-walking, trend-setting bitch. But I know enough than to even THINK about wearing much less than WEAR the following items I just ran across on Lane Bryant's website:

First of all, jumpsuity things like this are horrific. The peg leg look only furthers the LARGE aspect of your hips and ass. The spaghetti straps do not encourage you to wear a bra - which you dearly need. And the red shoes? Your "pop of color?" Gimme a break here. Please. You look like a fucking fool, lady.

A romper? Really? Take that shit off and go naked. I beg of you. I have nothing else to say on this vile swath of clothing.

Hello? Braless much? Bad. Mucho bad. Even if you're only a B cup. I have a friend who can get away without a bra - but she barely breaks the B cup. Seriously. We're talking an A. For real.

So...people, heed my fashionista words:
1. no all-over animal prints
2. wear a fucking bra
3. walk away from the jumpsuits and rompers.

You outgrew such things when you were a toddler.
Thank me later.

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