Monday, March 22, 2010

You're Fucking Kidding Me Here

Those of you who know me in "real life" know that I am not a petite little slip of a chick. I'm a honking, hippy, big chunk of woman.

Which is why I am allowed to make the following statement:

Why the fuck do Big Girl Designers and Stores insist on creating clothing that:



1. Doesn't look good on anyone over a size 2



or



2. Doesn't look good on ANYONE, much less a big girl.

Let's be honest here, I'm not some cat-walking, trend-setting bitch. But I know enough than to even THINK about wearing much less than WEAR the following items I just ran across on Lane Bryant's website:


First of all, jumpsuity things like this are horrific. The peg leg look only furthers the LARGE aspect of your hips and ass. The spaghetti straps do not encourage you to wear a bra - which you dearly need. And the red shoes? Your "pop of color?" Gimme a break here. Please. You look like a fucking fool, lady.

A romper? Really? Take that shit off and go naked. I beg of you. I have nothing else to say on this vile swath of clothing.

Hello? Braless much? Bad. Mucho bad. Even if you're only a B cup. I have a friend who can get away without a bra - but she barely breaks the B cup. Seriously. We're talking an A. For real.

So...people, heed my fashionista words:
1. no all-over animal prints
2. wear a fucking bra
3. walk away from the jumpsuits and rompers.

You outgrew such things when you were a toddler.
Thank me later.




14 comments:

Melissa said...

And here I was thinking that those shoes were pretty cool...despite the utter wreckage she was wearing elsewhere!

Big Pissy said...

Tell us how you really feel! LOL

p.s. I sometimes go bra-less depending on the dress, etc. Don't hit me!!! ;-)

Pipsylou said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

thems some butt ugly clothes

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Forget the shoes with that utter wreckage. (I LURVE how you stated that! You should copyright it!)

Pissy - the size of your boobies is not on par with mine. You may go braless. I have seen you, likely braless, in several pics. *patting your head with reverence* Go forth without bra, my child.

Pips? Love you already. Any woman who shamelessly laughs until she cries is good people.

Jac. I TOLD you. For reals.

Honib1 said...

OH MY HEAVENS.. I SO AGREE.. I am baffled by some of the crap I see.. at least you have some height on me.. I am 4 foot 11 inches tall.. I am always amazed that the larger size clothing never considers that short people might be chunky too.. a lot of these designers gear their items to the BIG WOMAN who is tall as well.. as little sprouts are often forgotten.. I am not a fan of shopping often.. the only thing I really love aside from casual stuff like jeans, and work out clothes are the travel wear lines.. those suits , pants and tops always work for me.. and sometimes I even find the Sizes in SHORT.. see I am not petite myself.. I am just SHORT.. so I can appreciate the clothing caper there..

CPA Mom said...

EXACTLY why I do not shop Lane Bryant. They have no clue. Might as well through a potato sack on my ownself.

amber said...

My mom is a plus-size woman and I swear, she could have written this exact post. :) In fact, I can't count the number of times we've had similar conversations either during or post a shopping trip. <3

And don't hurt me, but I do sometimes go sans bra, usually with a backless dress. Sorry, but at an A cup, all I typically need is a bit of shaping in the area and some light padding to smooth things out a bit. Heh.

Melissa said...

I thought "utter" fit well with the bovine-ish pattern on the mu mu... or whatever it was she was wearing...

Puns *all* intended! :D

Shrinky said...

Never a truer word, but um, these rags do make for some priceless people watching moments..!

Pat Tillett said...

I don't know exactly how I ended up here, but I'm glad I did! You made me belly laugh exactly when I needed to...If you don't mind, I'm going to tag along...
thanks!

Not Afraid To Use It said...

Dude, this was so awesome. Rompers always give me a bad case of crotch rot. Overalls, too. I can't believe they still sell these things.

Curly Glamour Girlie said...

Who in the name of Tim Gunn would want to put a plus sized woman head to toe in zebra print????

Love the blue dress, but I too, shy away from anything that can't be worn with my industrial bras.

Emom said...

Thank you! smiles....

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