Back from the Depths

Yeah.

Me.

Let's just say I haven't found the past six months to be kind to me. I'm done wallowing in exhaustion and depression. I'm hoping the bloggy will serve me well in documenting the rise. I'm a fucking phoenix, baby.

So I had the surgery to repair my rotator cuff.
Was denied by workers' comp.
Hired an attorney to represent my case.
Figured out that my personal life is so much more important than my work one. (Why am I learning that damn lesson all the fucking time? Let's just be done it, woman!)
Was schooled by the world of pain.

If you ever have to have your rotator cuff repaired, just know that it's a bunch of hellish pain. Worse than labor. Worse than gastric bypass. Worse than hernia and adhesion repair. For real.

I'm almost 6 weeks post-op and am still taking pain meds. I go back to work tomorrow, and to be honest, I'm fucking afraid. I know I'm still exhausted by normal everyday activities. I've missed a ton of instruction with my students. We have the 8th grade direct writing and multiple choice writing tests coming up in about a month. I still have physical therapy three times a week for at least another two months.

What the hell? And I'm scared shitless that some kid is going to bump into me and tear out the work my surgeon did.

Here's the skinny on that. I finally understand what he did. Took me long enough.

• opened me up
• ground down a bone spur from my upper arm
• drilled holes into my bone
• reattached the four muscles that create the rotator cuff (I always thought the cuff was just a tendon or ligament.)
• reattached the muscles to the tendon that had been ripped off
• sewed the tendon (pulling the muscles along with it) into the holes drilled into the bone. Get it? It's like a sewing thing. Weaving the tendon through the holes.
• Then the tendon eventually becomes reattached to my bone - grafted so to speak.

Yeah. And my stupid ass truly thought I'd have the surgery and be back to work after a four-day weekend. Seriously. That's what I thought. My PCP and surgeon looked at me like I was a psych patient on weekend leave telling them I'd won the Nobel Peace Prize when I explained that I'd only be missing two days of work.

I had the surgery December 17 and will be back tomorrow for "light duty" (what the fuck is that when you're a teacher?), January 25. My doc wanted me out through February 11, but I've already had to take weeks without pay because my sick days are LONG gone. I have to go back. My PT folks don't like it either. So be it.

I went into work recently to fax some paperwork for my return to work. One of my big 8th grade boys gave me a hug? Me? Started crying. I can't be hugged. Can't have my shoulder jostled or touched. Don't think about a massage. Blah.

One of my sisters bought me a gift certificate for a massage for Christmas - I'm not scheduling that until I can ENJOY a massage, people! No no no!

Good Stuff?

• Buddha is thriving in preschool.
• I'm menu planning so I can feel like I've got a handle at home.
• I'm back to creating recipes now that I can sort of cook with one hand. No bread for now, but I'm in the middle of a citrus chicken recipe with quinoa. I'm hoping it will be as good as I think and can post it to the food blog.
• I've decided that I will use the textbook to teach - no more creating the wheel stuff. If the book was good enough to be adopted, I'm using it. This means I will become a member of the Pocketbook Club. I will arrive early each day because I have to drop off Buddha next door for preschool. He begins about an hour before my kids arrive. I will leave ON TIME because I have PT and I am no longer married to a job that obviously doesn't give a shit about me. I'm pretty bitter about the way my district treated me after this injury. No more giving everything. I and my family deserve that.

Very disjointed post here.
That's the pseudo update for now.
Lighter topics forthcoming.