Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Purify

See that stuff? If you are lucky enough to have a fucking Trader Joe's nearby, unlike my sorry ass, GET YOUR ASS THERE, pronto! Purchase some of this stuff and experience the amazing aroma of citrus love as you scrub-a-dub your skin, buffing away dead skin cells that would allow people to confuse you with someone who smokes. I don't. You probably don't. But dead, sallow skin cells lead people to mean judgements, my brothers and sisters.

Avoid the judging fucktards and use this heavenly love.

But watch out when you're done. A few effects post-use?
1. If you don't want it, you'll slip and fall on your newly-buffed tushie. The oils in this stuff have probably been the demise of many a shower-taker out there despite bold warnings on the container.

2. The scent that rolls off your skin will make Edward Cullen lust after you. I had to fight his hotness off of me the last three nights.

3. Your skin will GLOW. Fucking, fucking glow! Mine does. Mine. Yes. Now, I've got pretty good skin, but it was stretched its limit several years ago before I dropped some poundage so it's pretty saggy and drawn in some places. I'm ok with this. You should be too. But I am NOT ok with ashy skin. Ever. And this stuff makes me believe I can obtain baby-smooth skinage again.

I cannot claim bounty on this love bucket scrub. No.

An amazing woman from my past (hello, high school?) was kind enough to bestow this stuff on me. Siouxie knows just what this Not Wishy Washy woman loves. I love you BIG BIG BIG, Siouxie! Just like the Dark Chocolate-Covered Joe-Joe's, I am hoarding this shit. If I find my Pack Mule or my Butter sticking their grimy mitts into the jar, there's gonna be some hell to pay.

9 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

dang..we don't have one around here...too bad..i could do with some glowing.

Honib1 said...

ya think u can buy this online??

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Jac, I'm heading Siouxie's way in October and will pick some up for you. It's one of the simple delights in my life right now.

Honi - NOOOOOOOOO. Can you believe that? I checked. Like Jac, I will get some for you when I go to see Siouxie in October.

CPA Mom said...

dude. I go to TJ's once a week. Can I get those Jo-Jo's there too?

Make me a shopping list or better yet come on down and we'll go together. There's a Skinny Dip yogurt place in the same shopping center.

bosslady said...

Emily brought me some wine from TJoes this week and gave me directions to stop when we go to DC...I will have to bring you back some then!

So Not Wishy Washy said...

OMG. The knowledge that there are two TJ's within hours of my home yet SO FREAKING FAR AWAY is killing me.

Ang - the Joe Joe's WILL be there! I'm gonna bring mucho moolah with me to shop!

Boss Lady, when are you goinggggg? Soon? I have some wine at the casa from there as we speak. I'm fighting the urge to open it.

comebacknikki said...

I frequent TJ's far too much (I have one about a mile from my apartment, so it's hard to resist), but I've never seen that scrub! I'm definitely going to have to pester one of the peppy TJ's peeps the next time I'm there - they must find it for me! Or else!

Those damn Joe-Joes are sooo addictive! I think I went through three packs of the peppermint ones last December!

amber said...

Any posts that references Edward Cullen is alright with me. Seeing as how my gym literally shares a wall with TJs, I guess I have no excuse not to grab some of this. :)

susan said...

um yeah, about the kid getting into this?
well my youngest male child decided to open the jar in MY shower, which husband agreed on letting him into: This being after my "NO kid, YOU cannot use MY shower because YOU leave the towel on the floor and dump out all my EXPENSIVE shampoo/soap every time!!!" policy.
well, he did not dump the stuff out but rather decided to fill it with WATER!!!!!!
so husband says, "you might want to check that stuff I think he was playing with it in the shower"

sugarscrub+water=just oily water
ugh ugh ugh the male species....

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