Saturday, August 22, 2009

Shut Your Mouth

I made a decision today that I regret.

I allowed my Pack Mule to convince me that taking Butter to fucking McDonald's and letting him play in that breeding ground for all that is nasty filth was an acceptable idea. Note, I did not use any of the following adjectives: good, happy, wonderful, intelligent.

I went because although Butter and I rode bikes together earlier today, the rains commenced for the fucking third day in a row, and I foolishly thought, "This will give him a chance to get some more energy out."

Whatever. I'd rather raise a slovenly, lazy potato of a son than go back to fucking McDonald's. It's that or medicate me. Got it?

What did I eat? A cup of unsweetened iced tea. I do not drink sweetened iced tea. I find it to be a vile soup of sorts. Be mean to me if you will, but I will not change my ways even if you feel it your lot in life to "reeducate" me on the supposed finer art of drinking Southern tea. I am not a Southerner and will never pretend to be one no matter how long I live in Virginia. Don't waste your breath.

I ate the tea because the thought of ingesting anything else actually made me dry heave a little.

I also bought a newspaper thinking I'd be able to distract myself.

No such luck.

I attempted to imagine I was the step-mother in today's Ann Lander's column who sobbed about how her step-daughter betrayed her after years of living in peace. Blah fucking blah, lady.

MY LIFE IS WORSE THAN YOURS!!!! I AM IN A MCDONALD'S ON A SATURDAY TWO WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS LISTENING TO FUCKING GRIMY KIDS SCREAM AND YELL.

*sigh*

I also found myself muttering to the woman in the next booth, "Will you PLEASE shut the FUCK up? PLEASE????? You have nothing of value to say. Just. Shut. Up."

I know it was audible because my Pack Mule was staring at me in horror.

I will not go back there. Will. Not.

7 comments:

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

mcdonals...heaven for kids..hell for parents..ha
sigh*...i love tea...but not unsweetened..i use sweet and low and add a dash of vanilla to it..try it...if you dont like it..nothing lost..ha

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Jac, I love mine plain or with mint and lemon. Love that. Or honey. Ohhh make it hot, stir the honey in until it dissolves, chill and WHAMMO. Delicious goodness.

The sweetened stuff I loathe is the thick gackness you get in the south in any restaurant. Any. When I first moved down here I had a waitress look like she was close to gutting me when I told her I did not IN FACT want "sweet tea." She responded, "You want UNSWEET tea?" I was so offended by her grammar that I couldn't respond. I drank water.

Lara said...

I like sweet tea but McDonald's tea is twice as sweet as necessary.

That said... I LOVED taking my kids there to play. I couldn't stand the other kids but I just took a book, spaced out, and ignored everyone. Until the pumpkin came crying because her brothers were losing her in the tubes and not letting her play... etc... I guess when you have 3 kids, it's a relief ANY time they aren't running the loop through the house!

Honib1 said...

u so did not say that where that lady could hear u did you??? LOL god u are too much.. I love it!!!

susan said...

Give me the Chick-fil-a (-no mickyD's), a sweet tea (yes, a sweet tea for this Yankee), and (relatively) sound proof play place enclosed by clear glass with NO SEATING for the parents!!!! This is almost heaven...
I let my 4 do what they wanna--as L said, better there than at the house.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Don't get us started on the sweet tea thing. Blech. I've finally learned to do hot tea. But I'd rather go hungry and thirsty than drink sweet tea.

amber said...

I'm with you on the tea. I almost always take it black, but if there is simple syrup, sometimes I'll add just a little for something different. I actually have taken a real liking to Starbucks black iced tea and have them "lightly sweeten it". Perfect.

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