Oh Fer Fuck's Sake

No surgery yet.

I had an appointment on Tuesday with a surgeon in Dr. Young Cute Boy's group because Dr. YCB is on vacation until the end of the month. I'd originally had an appointment with YCB, but my physician wanted me seen earlier because of the CT results, my current pain, and my past history. SHE changed the appointment and communicated the reasons with the OTHER doctor.

Yeah. An hour before my appointment, the idiot's secretary called to tell me that Dr. Fucktard didn't want to see me and thought I should see Dr. YCB. What? Are you fucking serious here? An hour before my fucking appointment? When you fucking office called me not 12 hours prior to CONFIRM the appointment that you are now CANCELLING? And hello? I had to take an entire fucking day off from work for NOTHING?

Fuck you.

I was as pleasant as humanly possible to the twit who gave me this news.
She knew I was pissed and said she would go speak with Dr. Fucktard who was "with a patient at the moment," and would call me back.

My reply, "Does this mean I SHOULD or SHOULD NOT come in? 'Cause now it's 45 MINUTES before I'm supposed to be there."

Mind you, I was in incredi-pain because the drugs I got in the ER are so fucking strong that they make me feel like hammered shit. Hence, I am taking NOTHING stronger than fucking Bufferin. Yeah. Bufferin. It's fucking old peoples' drug. I'm almost embarrassed to admit it here.

Dumb bitch calls me back and says, "Dr. Fucktard says you'll be just fine until the end of the month when Dr. Young Cute Boy returns."

My reply? "Really? I think it's great that he can come to that conclusion without having seen me or discussed this case with me. Fine. Get me an appointment with Dr. YCB. And because of this MESS, you WILL be giving me preferential treatment with regards to the latest appointment possible in the day because I CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER ENTIRE DAY OFF FROM WORK TO FIT YOUR SCHEDULE."

She made the appointment and a fatal error. "Ok. You're the latest appointment. Hopefully, all of the earlier times will fill up so that you can keep it."

REALLY? Did you just say that to me? For fucking real? Bitch? Have you ever heard of LYING? Today would have been a great day for you to LIE. You should have called and LIED about Dr. Fucktard being out of the office on an emergency. Barring that, you should have LIED and said NOTHING about the appointment status.

Cause ya see, if I get a cancellation on the September 30 appointment, heads are gonna fucking ROLL in the form of an open letter to the editor with all of the direct quotes I recorded on the morning in question.

*deep cleansing breath*

I also put in a call to my personal physician who returned my call pretty quickly and also threw up a little in her mouth when I explained my dilemma with Dr. Fucktard. I love that she was pissed. I also love that I was able to scream and yell profanities without her thinking that I am a total crackpot. (She loves it when I let loose with some profane statements as much as I love it when she treats me with compassion when I'm sick. It's a win-win, right?)

She made a note in my file that HE cancelled appointment. Her words, "In case anything happens, I am making a note of this so that you have recourse." Of course I have recourse, darling. I know medicine as much as any fucking lay person could. I never entered the hallowed halls of medical school like Dr. Fucktard, but I know my shit. I also know PATIENT RIGHTS. Fucker. The ER people last week asked if I worked in the medical field. Boss Lady and I both laughed hearty and long when the question was posed.

I was fired up on Tuesday and made no bones about it: I was returning to work the next day, come hell or high water.

And I did.

And it hurt.
And I'm tired.
And I'm still not dead so it's worth it.

My kids hated the sub. My coworkers who thought she'd be good thought she was an idiot. She's a nice person but cannot deal with the kids we currently have at my school. (We had a gang fight on Friday. For real. But that's fodder for another post.)

So. I'm back and staying at work until at least September 30. I'm hoping Dr. Young Cute Boy will find a way to let me hold off until Christmas Break so I don't have to take a lot of time off. The kids I have this year will cause many a mental breakdown in various adults if I'm not there on a regular basis. If I spike a fever or have the vomits, I have to (and will) go to the ER. I told my workmates that I would smuggle in beer and margaritas as long as they'd come and stay for the show. I'm pretty entertaining in the hospital. I can do almost anything under the guise of being zooted up on drugs. Greatness, I tell ya.

So. Thanks for the well wishes, concerned emails, phone calls, etc. I'm hanging tough. Nothing like some fucking adrenalin and anger to make the pain fade. I told my doctor that if I could invent some synthetic drug to mimic the adrenalin/anger train I was on Tuesday morning, I could quit teaching and live high on the fucking hog with nary a concern in the world.